Inclusion vs. Belonging: A Caregiver’s Reflection

​

For years, we’ve heard about the importance of inclusion—at school, in programs, and in our communities. And while inclusion is a step in the right direction, I’ve come to understand that inclusion alone is not enough.

​

Inclusion often means being allowed into a space. Belonging means being welcomed and valued in that space, just as you are.

​

This distinction became clear to me through personal experience. Growing up, I remember how my family, as part of the Slovak community here in the Lehigh Valley, often chose not to bring my brother—who has an intellectual and developmental disability—to certain gatherings. But there were special places, celebrations and people who genuinely embraced him. They didn’t mind his differences. They didn’t expect him to change who he was.

​

And what happened in those spaces? He was calm. Regulated. At peace.

​

Same thing with my daughter. In an attempt to put her in more "inclusive" situations, she protested and it would escalate the longer she was there. I had to learn to discern people and situations better for her sake. As I improved finding the right spaces and people who genuinely embraced her, she has found her "voice" because she got out of "survival mode". I look for people who smile with their eyes when they talk about her and I hear in their voice the love they have for her. They are excited about her progress. And that is where she is now.  Among teachers, a para-professional and therapists who adore her.

​

The truth is, people with autism are deeply sensitive to the emotional energy around them. When they’re placed in environments where they’re technically “included” but not truly accepted, it creates an unspoken tension—and they feel it. When they sense discomfort, pity, or quiet resistance, it can easily manifest in behavior. To make things worse, there is a pressure to control or mitigate that behavior. This is so important to remember especially for kids/adults with Autism who have IDD and don't have the skillset to advocate for themselves.

​

I spent years meditating on this. And now I know: it’s not about whether someone is included among neurotypical peers. It’s about finding those spaces—regardless of age, background, or diagnosis—where our loved ones are met with kindness, patience, and genuine acceptance.

​

Whether it's a group of elders, young kids, peers with disabilities, or a mix of people—what matters most is this:

• Are they seen, accepted, and celebrated for who they are?

 

That’s the foundation of true belonging.

​

As caregivers, let’s seek—and create—communities where our loved ones don’t just participate, but where they feel like they belong.